From The Archives: 'We didn't know we'll get married'

A Karate Instructor & Product Designer's Love Story

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Hello guys! Good Evening. Please tell us your name and what you do. Anyone can go first.

Abdul: Abdullateef is the name. I am a product designer, a karate instructor and a 21st century educator.
Hanot: My name is Hanot, and I’m a karate instructor.

Wow! I can imagine what your house is full of with different awards and belts hanging on the wall. Oya let’s get a lirru bit romantic. So where and how did you guys meet?

Abdul: It’s a long story o. We actually met at Yaba Federal College of Technology around 2015.

That was like a decade ago! So what attracted you two to each other?

Abdul: She has my kind of voice, my kind of eyeball, she looks like me. That was the first thing that attracted me to her, and a kind of structure that I like. Those two things got us talking. And then, at the time, I wasn't that religious. She was actually the reason why I'm more religious now.

Hanot: We started as friends and the attraction part came later.

So you guys were friends before you decided to move forward. What was the first impression like?

Hanot: We met at school and as for the attraction, it came later. Because we were friends first

Oh, so you guys were friends before you later decided to like to move forward.

Hanot: Yes, yes.

What was the first impression when you guys met?

Hanot: It was just a normal feeling when you meet someone for the first time. I was just coming from Ibadan and just there for my registration anyway.

Who is the better cook between the two of you?

Hanot: It’s Abu Bilal, if he wants to cook.

So he’s the better cook, he’s not disputing that part.

Abdul: I’m not the better cook o, she cooks better. it’s just that I do some cooking, she is the better cook. I cooked while we were still dating and she is just finding a way to take me back to the kitchen.

If that is the case we all agree that you are the better cook then. So, Who is more romantic?

Hanot: I think the both of us are on the same level.
Abdul: I am more romantic than her.

Hanot: Someone that says he’s attracted to someone from the first day, you should know they are on the high level.

So, Abdul, I know you work in tech, how do you balance it with home, marriage and all.

Abdul: It’s not easy, you know at first when you don’t have so much to do and not so engulfed with the laptop It’s much easier to communicate with her, sometimes I do feel bad that I am not very available. At some point I feel like sharing myself into two, so one can do the work and the other be the husband. She even call the laptop my second wife, It is that tough.

Instructor Hanot, how do you feel about it?

Hanot: I really can’t categorise the feeling, it is a necessity. If it is something that there is an option to it eh ehn, that is when I can say i feel this way or that.

What are the three things that you see yourself doing in the next 10 years?

Abdul: For me in the next 10 years, if Nigeria remains like this I don't want to be here with my family, I see myself in a better position where I can delegate tasks and take a more leadership-oriented role, which would allow me to spend more time with my family and fulfill my duties as a husband without neglecting my work responsibilities, personally for my family I don’t like them working, so 10 years from now I want to have the financial stability to provide them everything they want and need.

Hanot: In the next 10 years I still see myself doing karate, having my dream kitchen where I can cook for me and my family, and spending money without looking at the account balance.

Oh, I love that. I want that last part for myself too. You both mention that you do Karate, so who introduced who to Karate?

Abdul: She’s the one.
Hanot: Yeah, I was the one that took him to the training and was like oya go and start.

So did you start together?

Hanot: No, he started before me.

I don't get that part.

Abdul: Let me explain. So I was a troublemaker, well, I used to be a troublemaker. so she was like instead of wasting this energy why not do something with it? So we both went to the sports centre In Yabatech. Originally I go to the sports center to play football and so she saw the Karate guys and was like would I like to join them? She said she liked it so I started. She got me my first Karate Uniform and gave it to me so I can know she was serious. All this while she has not started, but there is no day that I go to training that she doesn’t come with me like how parents come to training with their kids and stay till the end, she stays by the side. We had an agreement that she wouldn’t start Karate till I’m good, she said she didn’t want anyone to teach her except me and that made me more focused and all.

And right now you both run a Dojo together.

Abdul: Yeah, we both started together, so even in my absence she knows how to hold it together. She knows the passion, she knows the pain and she can manage it as her own because the understanding is quite mutual.

What’s your partner’s favorite food?

Hanot: Beans and plantain with bread and Ewa agoyin to be precise and ponmo soaked in the stew and some days if there is egg and cold Pepsi.

Abdul: You’re now making me hungry.

What’s her own favorite food?

Abdul: That's the thing, she doesn't have a favorite food. She used to like yam until she found out that I'm not a fan, but she likes a lot of funny things like banana and Nutri milk, so that kind of diet, we don’t know where to place it. She's also a fan of Hollandia yogurt, but she doesn't have a favorite food.

Instructor Hanot, do you have a favorite food you'd like to share?

Hanot: I don't have a favorite food, but I do enjoy Pounded Yam and Egusi soup, Yam and Egg or Meat and Garri, or Meat and Yogurt but I like food.

How long have you guys been married? 10 years, 15 or 20?

Abdul: We got married after graduation and that was like 2021. We didn’t know we’d get married, as she said we started as a friend, a very close one and we were pulled to each other, we didn’t do the will you be my girlfriend and so stuff but we are very close friends and as time goes on we just said we should get married after graduation and from there we both push for the wedding and here we are with our child, Bilal.

Who chose the name and what was the reason?

Hanot: It’s Abu Bilal
Abdul: We both did. I had a list of names, and she chose one.

Was there a reason behind the name?

Abdul: Yes, Bilal is the name of one of the Sahabas who was also the first Muadhin. He was an African and a slave, and even when his boss told him to say that Mohammed is crazy, he refused to say it. So whatever punishment he faced, he remained strong and tolerant, just for the Prophet. He is also the first Muadhin and had the best voice to call the Adhan. Having a child with a beautiful voice like his is one of the things I've always wanted. and one of the things I've always wanted in a child is a voice, the voice that can....that can

Shake the Mountain

Abdul: Yeah, so, and I like the fact that he was very brave. Being a brave and good advocate of the religion, and also having a nice voice, those are the things I've always wanted in a child. The other name was supposed to be Umar, who was also very brave and a good advocate of the religion too. So that was how Bilaal came about.

So, when she got pregnant , how did you react, what was the feeling like?

Abdul: Ha, when she got pregnant, although I already knew...

Are you a doctor?

Abdul: No, no. I was tracking her cycle and it didn't come. It was actually a deliberate act to try for a child at that time. When she did the test and it turned out positive, that was the first joy I had for a very long time. I can't remember the last time I was so happy. The mindset I had was that she was now fragile, so I wasn't comfortable with her working. After about six months of pregnancy, she dropped her resignation letter, and I felt like I could finally start living the dream of having a wife that doesn't have to stress herself.

The second most important day was the day I saw Bilaal himself. That was the second most important day because for years I can't remember the last time I cried...

Wow

Abdul: I remembered that I cried that day and it was really, like a.., I don't know how to explain, it was just too much, it was too much to bear though

You can't even be man enough in that aspect, like, you can't just be man enough,it was just too much, the tears were obvious and I felt the happiness.

The guy was just like (mimics a crying baby)and I was like heyyy, you're a father now(chuckles).

Wow, were you in the labor room with her?

Abdul: No, I wasn't, I was outside, just right by the entrance though I was in the labor room earlier but when it got delicate and all, I was asked to vacate the room, so the crying (sound) was like ah, I felt all the goosebumps, I felt everything a man can feel, like all of them at once, the pain, the joy, the happiness and how do I put it, the responsibility part, it was much, everything just convened at the time.

I actually feel like crying right now

Abdul: Like I actually excused myself and cried to my heart's content, and I was awake all through the night. I became a vigilante because I was the child and mother must not be bitten by mosquitoes. I was awake all through the night despite that I had to go to work the next day. I just stood guard for both of them, they're more like, I don't know

The most precious thing on earth

Abdul: Exactly!, The most precious thing on earth for me at that moment was the two of them and I was ready to give everything I had for just those two people at that time

Awww

Abdul: And even till now, they're just, I don't know, the joy, my world is just the two of them, it revolves around the two of them

Man, the story is seriously giving God when. Oya, Instructor Hanot, let's hear your part.

Abdul: Hanot? Hanot doesn't talk much. Oya, come now, come and talk.

Hanot: Chuckles. Well, what I felt was hormonal imbalance.

The only thing you felt was hormonal imbalance?

Hanot: Yes, that's what destabilized everything now.

Abdul: Let me tell you, she won't tell you, but she has told me before. So let me summarize it all for you. As a proverb says, 'a wife and a husband cannot be the same. They are there to complement each other.' So when it comes to explaining, she won't explain to you, she'll only explain it to me.

She was happy she was pregnant, but she was also scared. Those are the two things because she has not done this before, and that was her first time. So she had a fear of managing the baby, the fear of delivering it, and having a child in the stomach. She was really careful about everything she was doing. She had difficulty sleeping, and I would wake up in the middle of the night to find her awake. "What are you doing?" She would say she is thinking, and I’ll tell her everything would be fine. And I understand that she's the carrier, and I cannot shun her mind from thinking about it. The only thing I can do is distract her and bring up something else. But then, while discussing something else, the boy himself will kick the guy with a very, very mad kick. He'll kick, and you'll feel it.

She felt a lot of things, and was also happy she was pregnant, but scared about the aftermath. Alhamdulillah, the aftermath was good, but right now, she's doing 'my baby, my baby.'

How has the journey been so far?

Hanot: We have had the happy one, the good part, the fine one, and the ugly one. But with all that, it has been lovely so far. Alhamdulilah.

Abdul: In one word, I'll say it's 'divine.' She seems so perfect for me, just the exact kind of person I can survive with.

Okay, another small romance question. Have you ever woken up in the morning and watched your partner beauty sleep? What usually comes to your mind?

Hanot: That’s my big baby.

Abdul: “My big baby” that is what she calls me.

Hanot: Like when you know someone that is troublesome and Allah just gave him to me just like that and I can do anything I want with him at that moment. I do feel like “Ti mo ba gba omo yi mu bayi, kilo ma se). Like if I tie him to the bed while he’s sleeping. What he’s going to do we’ll see that day.

Abdul: Yes, I have watched her beauty sleep several times, and it always makes me happy. Her sleep posture, her stature, her face, she is just so perfect. even while sleeping, she gives me so much joy. Normally, when I watch her sleep, I think about how lucky I am to have her.

On a scale of 1 - 10 how do you rate your partner?

Hanot: 9.99. The remaining one is with me cuz if I give him, he’ll start feeling himself.

Abdul: I will definitely rate her a 10.

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