"We're Not Really Together, But..."
Meet Chibuike and Ada, who have been "not together" for fourteen months. They text every morning; they've met each other's mothers
Can you both introduce yourselves?
Ada: I’m Ada. 26. Content strategist, currently pretending law school isn’t also happening.
Chibuike: I’m Chibuike. 28. I work in tech.
How would you describe what this (Relationship) is?
Chibuike: Consistent.
Ada: That’s such a scam answer.
Chibuike: Ok fine. We text good morning every day. We’ve met each other’s mothers. I’ve cried in front of her twice now. But we’re not dating, officially.
Ada: He said “officially” like there’s a certificate somewhere.
How did this start?
Ada: We met at K’s place during one of his game nights.
Chibuike: I got there last minute.
Ada: He was terrible at whot btw. Like genuinely bad.
Chibuike: I was distracted.
Ada: By what.
Chibuike: You know by what.
Ada: We ended up in the kitchen most of the night just talking, everyone else was still playing cards. Exchanged numbers before I left, I remember thinking this one will disappear like every other number.
Chibuike: I texted her the next morning. She didn’t reply till like 2pm.
Ada: I was busy.
Chibuike: She was not busy.
Whose idea was it to keep this undefined?
Ada: Mine if I’m honest. I’d just come out of something that ended badly and I told myself I want a relationship with no labels, no man owning a percentage of my peace again.
Chibuike: And I agreed because it felt mature. Also I was scared too if I’m being real. My last situation left with my favorite blender and my dignity.
Ada: The blender though.
Chibuike: It was one of those expensive ones and also a gift from my sister. That’s what got me honestly, not even the dignity part.
Ada: So far, it has been two traumatized adults agreeing to “we’ll see” and just staying there. For over fourteen months now.
What’s something small that’s stuck with you about the other person?
Chibuike: She remembers almost everything. I mentioned once months back that my mom used to make this pepper soup with uziza leaf, then one random Tuesday she just turns up with a container of it.
Ada: It wasn’t that deep.
Chibuike: It was.
Ada: Can I even lie in peace.
Chibuike: No.
Ada: He’s just easy is the thing. I can show up looking like something that crawled out of a village stream and he’ll still make me laugh till my stomach hurts.
Chibuike: I don’t know, she’s just my person.
What’s your favorite memory together so far?
Ada: Takwa Bay. Definitely Takwa Bay.
Chibuike: She says that but she also said never again.
Ada: Because it was never again. It was fun while it was happening but that boat ride there, no life jackets nothing. The boat guys are just vibing, talking, one hand on the engine, like water no dey do anybody anything.
Chibuike: Meanwhile I’m holding this girl’s hand like we’re about to become a headline.
Ada: I kept saying we would get there safely under my breath the whole way. Actual prayers my sister.
Chibuike: But once we got there it was worth.
Ada: It was worth it. I still won’t do that boat ride again, though. I’ll fly if there’s ever a flying option to Takwa Bay.
Chibuike: There’s no flying option to Takwa Bay Ada.
Ada: Then I’m not going back.
Have either of you seen other people during this?
Ada: You go first.
Chibuike: There was someone. Briefly. It didn’t last because I kept comparing her to Ada, and Ada kept winning, which felt unfair to both of them, honestly.
Ada: I went on two dates last year. Both times I texted him from the restaurant.
Saying what?
Ada: “This is boring come save me.” He never once did.
Chibuike: Because if I came every time we’d have to admit what that means.
Which is?
Chibuike: That I don’t want her on dates with other men. I just haven’t figured out how to say that without it sounding like a claim I haven’t earned.
Ada: You could just make the claim.
Chibuike: Is that an invitation?
Ada: Ask me after this.
What do you think you’re both actually afraid of?
Ada: I don’t know. If we name it and it doesn’t work then it’s a whole thing, people asking what happened, having to explain. Right now if it ends we just stop talking, nobody has to know it was anything.
Chibuike: I think about it different. If we name it I have to be a boyfriend, show up a specific way, meet expectations I’ve already failed at before with someone else. Undefined I just get to be present. That felt like a lower bar.
Felt. Past tense?
Chibuike: Yeah. Fourteen months of undefined, and the bar’s not low anymore. She raised it just by staying.
Ada: I didn’t do that on purpose.
Chibuike: I know. That’s worse somehow.
Last one. What is this, really?
Ada: I don’t know it’s stupid. I think once we call it something it becomes real in a different way. And I’m scared of that. And also too proud to say I’m scared of that. So.
Chibuike: Mine. Already. If she’ll let me say so out loud.
And will you?
Ada: We’ll talk later.
Chibuike: Is that good later.
Ada: Stop.
Rela Tech Ship series is back and this time, we want YOU to be a part of the magic. Share your experiences and let’s make Fridays fun again. 💻❤️
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Clowns
Please, where's this K's place?